IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS THE DOG!

Chubbs looking guilty!

There are some bodily functions we have no control over and flatulence, the expulsion of a mixture of gases that are byproducts of the digestion process, is one of them. But in the Republic of Malawi, a landlocked country located in southeast Africa, the government is attempting to suppress public passing of gas through a set of laws to regulate behavior of its people. The Bingu wa Mutharika led administration’s intention is to “mould responsible and disciplined citizens”


The government wants to establish a system of “Local Courts,” whose primary function would be to deal with dispensing justice on cases where offenses are of a lesser degree than those heard by the regular courts. The proposal to introduce a new genre of courts is based on the report of a Special Law Commission on the Review of the Traditional Courts Act dated 14th September 2007.

Because of that report, legislators will be presented with The Local Courts Bill of 2010, during the upcoming session of coming Parliament. The idea of a rural court came about because, “Access to justice by the ordinary Malawian residing in the rural areas shall be denied if all matters including customary civil matters, continue to be handled by Magistrate Courts which are ill-equipped to handle such matters.” A “Local Court” could handle these simpler matters.

Along with the establishment of “Local Courts” would be a list of offenses not currently regulated or regulated on a higher level.

Some of my favorite punishable offenses are:



(1) Insulting the modesty of a woman,


(2) A master not providing for servants or apprentices,


(3) Using insulting language,


(4) People pretending to be fortune tellers,


(5) Challenging to fight a duel and,


(6) Passing gas in public.


I would be in trouble for three out of the six. You guess which ones.